“Make no mistake, when the president says go — look out, it’s hammer time,” Vice Adm. Timothy J. Keating said aboard the USS Constellation. “It is hammer time. We are going to make the world safer for our children and our grandchildren.”

Finally, the truth comes out: MC Hammer is behind all this. I always suspected Hammer had weapons of mass destruction in those parachute pants. If only a voice of reason — Tone Loc, for instance — could pull him aside and speak wisdom: Please Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em.

Comments

19 March | 15:12 | tom

If not Tone Loc, maybe Young MC would be willing to talk him out of it.

19 March | 16:24 | Kelly

If Tone Loc and Young MC aren't willing to help, I think Sir Mix-A-Lot might have the necessary diplomatic skillz.

19 March | 17:45 | EricaLucci

Thank you, I needed a good laugh.

19 March | 18:11 | Jeff

Great...now I can't get the image of Hammer dancing on the deck of the carrier out of my head.

20 March | 11:12 | Anthony

You know, if you looked carefully enough at "The Surreal Life" (alas, can anyone truly look carefully enough at that show?) all the signs were there. Corey Feldman clearly embodied all of the most sinister aspects of Saddam, and anyone who thinks Emmanuel "Webster" Lewis isn't the fulcrum of the axis of evil (or whatever) is either severely developmentally challenged or smoking crack, if not both.

Unfortunately, as the time for diplomacy has passed, we as a nation can only hope that our focused assaults spare civilians while, to paraphrase Hammer himself, they "hit [Saddam] so hard, make him say, 'Oh my lawd.'" That appears to be the surest way to a quick resolution.

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Joshua Benton

Joshua Benton is the director of the Nieman Digital Journalism Project at Harvard University, among other things. Before that, he was a staff writer and columnist for The Dallas Morning News. (More.)