If it’s Oscar season, it must be time for Fametracker to publish their annual transcript of the meetings in the Hollywood Star Chamber, where five clones of Karl Malden choose the year’s winners.

1: Next up: The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

4: They made a movie about the Twin Towers already? It’s too soon!

3: Apparently, the Orcs were behind the whole thing.

4: Damn you, Orcs!

2: Let’s bomb Orcistan!

1: You idiots, this movie is about a totally different pair of towers.

4: They made a movie called The Two Towers that wasn’t about the World Trade Center? It’s too soon!

2: Let’s bomb Orcistan anyway! Who knows what weapons they may or may not be developing?!

4: Damn you, Orcs! And I also reserve animus for half-orcs.

A larger than normal number of sex jokes this year, but what would you expect from five Karl Maldens?

25 March 2003

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Joshua Benton

Joshua Benton is the director of the Nieman Digital Journalism Project at Harvard University, among other things. Before that, he was a staff writer and columnist for The Dallas Morning News. (More.)