I just grilled myself a burger for dinner.

Why has no one ever told me how glorious homemade burgers are? Seriously, I should have been let in on this secret before age 28.

(Actually, I should have shuffled off the collegiate life of fast food and nuked frozen things before age 28.)

See, I’ve been trying to eat better the last few months — a largely successful effort, I must say, if 35 pounds lost means anything. But I went straight from crap into lots of fish, fruit, and rice dishes. I skipped right over burgers in the transition. What a horrible, horrible mistake. (Also of note: Ground beef is substantially cheaper than salmon.)

If you’re curious what goes into my Louisiana-themed Joshburger (this makes three burgers):

1 pound lean ground beef
A few shizzle-dizzles of Tony Chachere’s Original Creole Seasoning [Chachere’s is pronounced “SASH-er-ees,” by the way. If you can’t remember the spelling, you can always get to the web site via icantspellit.com.]
A few shiznits of Tiger Sauce
A few schlemiels of boring ol’ grated parmesan cheese
A few schlemazels of Worcestershire sauce

Mix it all in a bowl. Fashion it into three patties — make ‘em a little skinny, like a modified hot dog. Grill it up (go George!) to medium rare — about four minutes. While that’s going on, slather Zatarain’s creole mustard on two hot dog buns.

Then split the patty in half and slap ‘em on the buns. (Note: This frankfurter-fueled improvisation was caused by my lack of hamburger buns. But it works!) Then — this is key — sprinkle a little extra Tony Chachere’s and splatter a little extra Tiger Sauce on the meat.

Then consume, ravenously.

23 February 2004

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