I wonder if Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are dating because they actually like each other or just because they wanted to set a new Hollywood record for most consecutive uses of the letter “a” in a couple’s last names.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m guessing it’s not a good thing that I just got a haircut that makes me look like Alfred Kinsey.
How not to be a good, objective journalist: Call up the voice mail of a conservative organization and leave this message: “I wanted to tell you that you’re evil, horrible people. You’re awful people. You represent horrible ideas. God hates you and he wants to kill your children. You should all burn in hell. Bye.”
And if you’re going to leave such a message — again, such an act is officially discouraged — for heaven’s sake, don’t leave your work phone as the call-back number.
Unsurprisingly, Rachel Buchman “has decided to move forward with her career and her life.” Or at least her life — her resume will be kryptonite to any hiring editor.
Is there a less nutritious food in the world than Airheads candy? A strong gust of wind probably has more vitamins, and a handful of pebbles is probably better for you.
But, o the childhood memories a well-timed Airhead can summon.
Vaguely pretentious promo documentary on American Music Club, from circa 1993 (“Mercury” era).
It must have been confusing as hell to live in Alaska on October 7, 1867. (“Thus shortly after Saturday 7th had already started it became Friday 18th. Alaska had two consecutive Fridays, and the days 7th to 17th October were omitted.”)
Why did no one tell me there was a Muppet version of The Wizard of Oz in production? Starring Jeffrey Tambor as the Wizard and Quentin Tarantino as “Himself”? My mind is already blown in anticipation.
Great Yale prank pulled at this year’s Harvard game, in which clueless alumni of that school in Cambridge are tricked into admitting the obvious: “We suck.”
More here, with video.
This story ran on Friday’s front page: “It’s the latest in a long line of conundrums facing the troubled district: Wilmer-Hutchins manages to have too many employees and too few at the same time.”
I’m back from vacation, ready to post like a madman!
Today’s W-H story (and it’s kind of a fun one): “In August, Wilmer-Hutchins board President Luther Edwards described the troubled district’s leaders as a ‘team of nine’ – the seven-member school board, Superintendent Charles Matthews and district lawyer James Belt.
“On Monday, the team’s roster shrank to seven. Under intense pressure from state officials, the school board fired Dr. Matthews, who was indicted last month on felony evidence-tampering charges and had been on paid leave since Nov. 1. It also broke ties with Mr. Belt. But it took two votes and a direct order from the state-imposed management team to get it done.”
May the next six days be silent on the Wilmer-Hutchins front. Vacation time, baby!
Just because I know you’re all itching for a fantasy-football update: My team, the Bum Phillippi, remains in first place of my 10-team league. Led this week by strong performances from Michael Pittman, Donovan McNabb, and LaDainian Tomlinson, the B.P. had little trouble crushing yet another opponent, bringing its season record to a triumphant 9-2.
My boys are now mathematically assured a spot in the four-team playoffs. They will almost certainly be joined by Orlando Cabrera (8-3, led by Peyton Manning and a resurgent Edgerrin James), Hopeless Endeavor (also 8-3, relying on Shaun Alexander and a waiting-to-be-hobbled Curtis Martin), and Ignignokt and Err (7-4, doomed by Priest Holmes’ injury).
For the record, the Bum Phillippi’s roster at the moment (backups in parentheses):
QB: Donovan McNabb (David Carr)
RB: LaDainian Tomlinson, Rudi Johnson, Michael Pittman (Thomas Jones)
WR/TE: Roy Williams, Isaac Bruce, Keenan McCardell (Plaxico Burress, Laveranues Coles, Amani Toomer, Randy McMichael)
K: Adam Vinatieri
DL: Patrick Kerney, Charles Grant, Will Witherspoon
DB: Lito Sheppard, Deshea Townshend
Story from Saturday: “The Wilmer-Hutchins schools may soon be cutting ties with some of its most troubled figures. James Damm, the district’s interim superintendent, has recommended terminating the contracts of Superintendent Charles Matthews, maintenance director Wallace Faggett and district lawyer James Belt.”
There was no Wilmer-Hutchins story in Sunday’s or Monday’s paper. This is a stunning development. In fact, there will likely only be two W-H stories in the paper over the next week. This is a sign of unparalleled slackerdom on my part, and I am not ashamed.
Ever get sick of seeing Wilmer-Hutchins stories on this site and think: “If only Josh could summarize everything he’s written in the last three months in just nine short minutes, using his best radio voice!”
Tada! Here’s an MP3 of my Texas Matters interview, which aired today.
Very short story in today’s paper.
More than 1,200 Zambian teachers have died of AIDS-related illnesses since the beginning of 2004. I hate to say it, but I told you so.
New Christmas song from The Walkmen.
“In an effort to win new readers, [Washington Post top boss Len] Downie said Post reporters will be required to write shorter stories.” Damn. Et tu, WaPo?
Did You Know?: Vincent Schiavelli, one of the most recognizable faces (if not names) in Hollywood, played the first regular gay character on American prime-time TV — Peter Panama on 1972’s The Corner Bar.
New Pernice Brothers live album coming out, now streaming half the tracks here.
Happy weekend, folks.
I hate Bob Edwards.
Okay, “hate” is too strong. But I couldn’t understand all the hubbub around his departure from NPR’s “Morning Edition” earlier this year. He was a moderately competent newsreader and a poor-to-middling interviewer. (The man didn’t seem to get that an interview could be more than just a series of disjointed, unconnected questions.) Since his ouster, all he’s done is bitch bitch bitch about how NPR screwed him over. And the bizarre anti-NPR rage from listeners seemed to bring out the worst aspects of the NPR demographic: smug self-satisfaction, resistance to change, and a innate sense of superiority. His successors on “Morning Edition” are, in every way, an improvement.
Anyway, what pushed me over the top was this article, which touches on what Bob is up to these days. The reporter remarks on Howard Stern’s new gazillion-dollar deal to move to Sirius radio. Edwards plays the poverty card: “I’m still making public-radio money.”
Bob Edwards made $256,000 a year (see page 7) at NPR. Not bad for a guy working for a non-profit, taxpayer-supported organization who reads what’s put in front of him and can’t do a decent interview.
Today’s Wilmer-Hutchins story: “The principal of Wilmer Elementary has decided to resign, less than two weeks after a Dallas Morning News analysis of TAKS test scores found strong evidence of organized cheating at the school.
This would be the analysis I’m talking about, from the Nov. 7 paper.
Are you a central Texas resident in need of more Wilmerosity in your life? I just got interviewed by Texas Public Radio. I’ll be on Texas Matters at 12:30 and 9:30 p.m. Friday. That’s 89.1 FM on your San Antonio radio dial.
Man wins school board seat with only sketchy evidence of his existence.
“Neighbors who have lived next door to him for years say they’ve seen the 53-year-old man only occasionally, when he takes out the trash from the home he shares with his parents…Neither the district nor the registrar has a phone number on file for him, and nobody answered the door at his home. Somehow, though, without mounting a real campaign, filing a candidate’s statement or showing up at a community forum, he managed to upset his formidable opponent, Phil Martinez…
“He’s become a bit of an urban legend, a kind of political Loch Ness monster or Sasquatch. ‘I haven’t met him, that I know of,’ said outgoing Trustee Bob Viviano. ‘I hear he’s kind of a recluse, but then that’s just hearsay.’ Said Trustee Kim Nichols: ‘You hear things because people are desperately trying to find some info on him. I heard he rides his bike. He likes garage sales. He hangs out at a 7-Eleven. I don’t know if any of that is true.’
“When the district sent him mail during the campaign, it was returned unopened. He was invited to a PTA candidates forum via registered mail. That letter came back marked ‘Refused’…
“He ran for mayor of Santa Ana in 2000 and for the Rancho Santiago Community College District board in 2002. He tried to also run in Santa Ana for mayor in 2002, but that candidacy was nullified because the two offices were incompatible. There has been one unconfirmed sighting of him at a city forum, wearing military fatigues.”
Wilmer-Hutchins custodian indicted on theft charge. Blah, blah, blah.
Author Richard Blow changes name to “Richard Bradley.” Wuss.
Carl Hiassen on journalism: “All of my best work comes from some kind of anger. If you go up to Jimmy Breslin, he’s as pissed off today as he was 30 years ago. That’s the fire you want to have in your writing.”
I’d say “that’s the fire you want to have in a certain kind of writing,” but otherwise true.
I have been duly shamed for writing about the death of Ol’ Dirty Bastard and not linking to the one story on the topic co-bylined by a crabwalk.com reader. So I am doing my penance.
In addition, the story was linkworthy if only because of its use of the term “mad paranoid.” “Mad” being, in this case, a glorious adverbial substitute for “very.” Which reminds me of the great ol’ Calvin Trillin bit about the distinctions between being “crazy stupid” and being “stupid crazy.” I always thought “crazy stupid” was a preferable state of being.
By the way, that great story for tomorrow will only be a so-so story. I have to stop preselling these things.
Today’s Wilmer-Hutchins story: “After being introduced to the Wilmer-Hutchins school board they will govern, one of the district’s new state-appointed managers had something to tell trustees. ‘God help us,’ businessman Albert Black said. His statement – which prompted supportive noises from the audience at Monday night’s meeting – reflected the size of the task ahead for the state takeover team. It will be taking over a district with an indicted superintendent, collapsing buildings, a looming cheating scandal and more bills than cash.
If all goes according to plan, there may be another good one in tomorrow’s paper.
At the risk of pissing off a few crabwalk.com readers: Man, that second Ol’ Dirty Bastard album is awesome. Shame it took Big Baby Jesus’ final return to the 36 chambers to make me dig it out of the CD stacks. O.D.B., R.I.P.
Okrent’s new column argues for a journalistic trend I absolutely believe in: That journalists should be more free to include their own conclusions, based on their reporting, in stories.
“But haven’t we reached the point where denying the reader what a writer knows to be true is far more unfair than including it? I was delighted when, in ‘After 6 Months, Tyco Prosecutors Close Case Against Ex-Officials’ (March 18), Alex Berenson described the prosecutor’s case as ‘bewildering,’ ‘tedious’ and having ‘rarely been presented in a straightforward way’ - a vision of the trial that would have been utterly unavailable had Berenson not dared to offer conclusive characterizations based on his own observations. On a much larger scale, I was dismayed when a reporter for The Wall Street Journal in a letter to friends (later passed around the Internet) described the horrors of life in Baghdad, and was criticized in some quarters for thereby jeopardizing her impartiality. But what she described was based on indisputable first-hand experience. If there was a journalistic offense here, it was that readers of The Journal had been denied knowledge of what this reporter knew to be true. Whom did that serve?”
Imposing false balance where there is none helps no one.
Also of note from the Sunday Times: Sitting in for Old Man Safire is none other than crabwalk.com-reader Erin McKean.
Here’s that story I hyped a few days ago: “James Wright was having some trouble with the science TAKS test last year at Wilmer-Hutchins’ Alta Mesa Elementary. He says his teacher was willing to help. ‘The teacher would walk around the class during the test and be like, “Hey, that’s wrong,” ’ said James, now a 12-year-old sixth-grader at Kennedy-Curry Middle School. ‘You’d go through the answers and you’d say, “Is this the right one?” They’d say “nope.” And you’d say, “Is this the right one?” And they’d say “nope” until you got the right one. Then they’d say “Yeah” and nod their head.’ He’s one of several students and teachers in Wilmer-Hutchins schools who have come forward to support suspicions first raised by a Dallas Morning News data analysis that cheating took place on the TAKS tests.”
Yesterday’s story: “A prominent business leader and a former interim Dallas superintendent will be the state overseers in Wilmer-Hutchins.”
Today’s W-H story: “The Wilmer-Hutchins school board is no longer grounded. State District Judge Merrill Hartman agreed Thursday to let the board hold a meeting next week. He had issued an unusual temporary restraining order last week banning the trustees from meeting or acting on any subject.”
What the Chipmunks really sounded like. I love this more than I can say.
Today’s Wilmer-Hutchins story: “The leaders at the top are changing, but the news is familiar: Wilmer-Hutchins will not be meeting payroll this month.”
This story features no fewer than three global news exclusives, at least zero of which crabwalk.com readers will care about.
Also, it just got cited by plaintiff’s attorneys in a court hearing thirty minutes ago. Which is so exciting I have to use italics.
Trust me: I’m working on a great post themed around trends in 20th-century New Brunswick history. Stick with me! This W-H stuff will end eventually!
Now that’s record promotion: The Decemberists chronicle the making of their upcoming record.
Today’s Wilmer-Hutchins story: “After months of turmoil in Wilmer-Hutchins schools, the state is ready to take over.”
For the record, this isn’t the story I hyped up yesterday. That would be tomorrow, most likely.
Just to reward you readers for swimming through a lot of Wilmer-Hutchins these past months: Revising Hawaiian History for an Unambiguous Age, including info on the Hawai’i monarchy-restoration movement.
Today is the 15th anniversary of the toppling of the Berlin Wall.
Or, as I prefer to think of it, the fifth anniversary of my writing a story about the 10th anniversary of the toppling of the Berlin Wall.
From today’s paper: The Wilmer-Hutchins administration building was silent Monday night after district officials unsuccessfully tried to convince a judge its school board should be allowed to meet.
You may want to pick up tomorrow’s paper. If you see a big story on the front page with my name attached, you may want to read it.
If there is no such story, you’ll want to pick up Thursday’s paper. Either way you’ll be rewarded.
Eat me: “Ever the eccentric, [former “Dallas” star Larry] Hagman has stipulated that upon his death, he wants his body to be ground in a wood chipper and scattered in a field, where wheat is to be harvested for a cake to be eaten by his friends and family one year later. Everyone in the cast said that when that time comes, they’d happily accept a slice of Larry.”
In other news, I’ll be appearing on TXCN throughout the evening.
Voice mail message of the day (so far): “You are not only stupid, you are racist and you are classist…Call me back, unless you’re too stupid to find the dial on the telephone.”
She was just as charming when we talked later.
My p. 1 package in today’s paper — complete with two global exclusives:
- “Wilmer-Hutchins has seen one of its schools’ test scores jump unexpectedly before.”
Here’s my story from today’s paper: “The Wilmer-Hutchins school board is supposed to meet Monday night. That is, if it’s allowed to.” Featuring the possible return to office of indicted superintendent Charles Matthews!
Watch Sunday’s paper — I should have a big package of stories on the front page you may find interesting.
Also, happy birthday to me. Today, I am 29. That makes me old.
Two People-Who-Make-Me-Very-Angry updates:
- For more on the ludicrous “Arafat’s sick and a bad guy — ergo, he must be a big gay with AIDS!” idiocies of David Frum, check out this odious discussion thread from some loony Freepers. “Does Arafat have AIDS? Hmmmmmm…… Can you get AIDS from a camel?” “Whether he does or not let’s spread the rumor anyway.” “It is rumored that he and Bill Clinton exchanged bodily fluids during a meeting at the White House.” “The reason Arafat was shipped from Egypt (where he was a small time businessman) to the jordanian occupied west bank was because he was caught flagrente delecto in a homosexual act. He was given the choice: either be killed for impurity, or go be the paymaster for a terrorist gang.” Assholes.
- This site’s most loathed accused gang rapist, Gregory Haidl, caused a head-on traffic collision after he’d been drinking. Of course, Haidl’s lawyers claim he hadn’t been drinking at all — the “false positive” on his sobriety test was caused by…eating Indian food! Yeah, chicken tikka masala always makes me swerve into oncoming traffic.
Haidl’s lawyers are now claiming their asshole client — a 19-year-old who triumphantly videotaped himself anally raping an unconscious girl with a Snapple bottle while slamming her head into a pool table — is “depressed” and on suicide watch — and that therefore he shouldn’t be sent to jail for violating the terms of his parole. Awww, poor little Gwegy Haidwl. Can’t stand the thought of being on the receiving end of anal play, Snapple or no Snapple. Asshole.
Giant squid are kicking our ass.
Screwed-up Chinese-character tattoos. “Large Domesticated Live Stock.”
Download a free CD here. Spoon, My Morning Jacket, Gilberto Gil, and more.
Hey, kids! A world leader, hated by many, is dying! If you’re a “journalist” with the ethics of a lawn gnome, what should you do?
I know! Why don’t you spread baseless, malicious rumors that the world leader actually is just one of them gays who has AIDS! Because you know if a 75-year-old man is dropping body weight and having mental problems, it must be AIDS! Certainly couldn’t be anything else — most 75-year-old men are running marathons, except for those damned poofter Palestinians with their low T-cell counts!
Of course, there’s precisely zero evidence for this. (Even if David Frum does trot out a 15-year-old memoir from the ex-head of the Romanian gestapo — because you know Ceaucescu’s right-hand men were all completely trustworthy! Highlights from the top two Amazon reviews: “Pathetically sensationalist and self-serving!” “Ridiculous…this book is utterly unbelievable and unconvincing!”)
The main way Frum can tell Arafat has AIDS? He’s being treated in France. Say no more! Wink wink, nudge nudge!
But the absolute piece de resistance is that, despite there being no evidence whatsoever for his idiotic claims, Frum manages to imply Big Media is purposefully holding this AIDS scoop. Presumably because they’re a bunch of Arafat-suck-up liberals.
Asshole.
I hope the Williamsburg hipsters won’t go after my friends in Toledo and Columbus.
Well, that’s the last time I try to predict an election. I really thought Michael Badnarik would pull it out. Okay, I didn’t, but a Badnarik landslide ended up being roughly as accurate as my own projection.
Here are some of my past predictions in key races:
- 1864 presidential race: I predicted the nation, in a time of war and great conflict, would reach back into its history and draft the one leader who could bind the nation’s wounds: Franklin Pierce, the New Hampshire legend. Only Franklin Pierce, I predicted America would feel, could unite us, not divide us: Reality: Lincoln reelected.
- 1967 NFL season: I predicted the New Orleans Saints, in their first season as an expansion team, would get high on crawfish etouffee and win the inaugural Super Bowl. Reality: The Green Bay Packers win.
- 1985 Oscar race: I predicted Chip McAllister’s bravura performance as the black guy in the epic Weekend Pass would be enough to snag the Best Supporting Actor prize. Reality: That fucker Don Ameche.
- 2004 presidential race: I predicted Michael Badnarik to sweep through the South, find strength in the industrial Midwest, and do well enough in Hawaii to fuel a stunning electoral college victory. Reality: Optimus Prime wins, vows to end the Decepticon threat.
(Aside: When trying to pick a random ’80s actor for the Oscar item, I had no idea Chip McAllister somehow went on to win The Amazing Race 5, for which I understand he won the Best Screenplay (Adapted) Oscar.)
Local election surprise of the night: Lupe Valdez — a lesbian Hispanic Democrat — was elected Dallas County sheriff.
I didn’t think Dallas County would be electing any Democrat sheriff any time soon, much less an out lesbian Hispanic one.
Apologies for the lack of posts. A technical problem prevented new posts from appearing for a couple days — they’re now below.
My story in today’s paper: “Wilmer-Hutchins schools weren’t on the ballot Tuesday. But they weren’t far from it. Outside polling places throughout the school district, a group of activists gathered hundreds of signatures on a petition to abolish Wilmer-Hutchins altogether.”
Yet Another Wilmer-Hutchins Story: Charles Matthews is out as superintendent of Wilmer-Hutchins schools, and his replacement says the Texas Education Agency probably will take over the district by the end of the month.
Sorry for the blog silence of late. Two stories of late:
- From Friday’s front page: You may remember this crabwalk.com global exclusive from Sept. 8: W-H accused of shredding files. Well, Wilmer-Hutchins Superintendent Charles Matthews (and an underling) were indicted for for felony document tampering on Thursday.
- From today’s paper: My column on the trouble with vision screening in public schools.
Joshua Benton is the director of the Nieman Digital Journalism Project at Harvard University, among other things. Before that, he was a staff writer and columnist for The Dallas Morning News. (More.)
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